Last week I was fighting evil ear demons, so couldn't go to work. This week I've been extra busy trying to make up for everything I couldn't do last week, so I've been at my office a lot. And we all know I don't write about that. So once again, it's time for:
The Shoes' List of Some Stuff that Happened Recently When I Was Not at Work
1. I got in a fight with a florist. There was no actual hand-to-hand combat, because I am by nature passive-aggressive, so the conflict was played out entirely via email. You see, buying flowers in the Netherlands is so easy, I made the stupid mistake of thinking that this ease would translate across the pond to my home and native land, where I recently tried to put in an order for some flowers using that crazy newfangled technology they call “The Internet.” But it seems one florist in New Brunswick hasn’t figured out “The Internet” yet. Now, I’m normally quite understanding when certain segments of society – like old people and feral children – need a bit of extra time to get used to the latest technology. But if you’re actually presuming to try to sell me stuff online then you’re fair game for my buyer’s wrath when you get it wrong. I mean, today is Google’s fourteenth birthday. If Google is almost old enough drive a car, it’s time your business figured out how to work a website. Sheesh.
2. I discovered that the longer I stay in this country, the worse my English gets. Which is a bummer. Because the plan was: stay in a foreign country and learn a new language. Not: stay in a foreign country and mess up the first one. Yesterday instead of saying “We need to get back on track” I said “We need to get back on the track.” Last week I heard myself use “or/or” instead of “either/or.” I figure at this rate it’s only a matter of time before I start to regress back through the branches of the linguistic family tree until I ultimately find myself speaking Proto-Indo-European.
3. I went to a singing lesson with only one working ear. My singing teacher asked me to sing a line using one technique, and then to sing it again using another technique. “Hear the difference?” she asked. “No. No I don’t. But I’ll take your word for it.”
4. I got excited that kruidnoten are back on the supermarket shelves, which I think means that I've become not only Dutch, but Dutch and five years old. Kruidnoten are tiny crunchy ginger cookie blobs, and they are officially the best thing about the Netherlands. They only come out once a year, in the run-up to Sinterklaas, which is when a bishop on horseback comes from Spain and commands his black helpers to throw candy at hapless bystanders in the street. Demonstrating again why I freaking LOVE this country.
|"Yes, Jimmy, I know Mommy told you not to take candy from strangers but Sinterklaas is a bishop. Take the candy or we're all going to hell." Image from www.hollandsbest.com|