Friday, November 16, 2012

Dear Internet, what is the answer to question five?

Blogger – that’s the blogging platform I use to share my genius with you – collects statistics about how readers find The Wooden Shoe Diaries, including the search terms people use when they find me via a search engine.

Looking at this list of search terms I often feel bad for the ones who ended up on my blog because they were searching for something useful and instead they found the inside of my mind.

Like the person who wanted to know something about the filing system employed by James Murray, the first editor of the Oxford English Dictionary, and who instead got to read a detailed etymology of the word chestnut.

Or what about the person who needed to know how to identify ticks on their dog and who instead got to see a picture of the time my husband and I highlighted our dog’s nipple with a green florescent marker.

These readers, sadly, have been led astray. I extend my sincerest apologies to them. My blog cannot help you write your school essay on the filing systems of prominent lexicographers, nor can it solve your tick-related problems. All this blog can ever do is to make you feel better about your crummy life. Because you may be having a bad day, but I bet no one left a dead cat on your front stoop.

More puzzling are the following search terms:

1. Danny woodenshoe
I did this search. The first hit took me to a site featuring nothing but this photo of a guy called Danny and a wooden shoe:

Danny in the wooden shoe on Dam Square in Amsterdam.

2. What is meant in #5
Somewhere out there is a school child who will never know if the answer to question five was "pi" or "to the power of 2".

3. feral children technology
Once I got over the shock that a search for something called "feral children technology" leads to this blog, I did this search too. Did you know that there is a Canadian band called Feral Children?

4. I'm not a nice to my mom
I assume the person meant "I'm not nice to my mom". SHAME ON YOU.

5. really moms x
I've decided that whatever this person was looking for, I hope they didn't find it here.

Keep 'em coming folks.